I’ve just watched a copy of Sean Donnelly’s I Think We’re Alone Now, a fascinating documentary on obsessive fans of 1980s singer Tiffany which is released on DVD in the UK this month. It’s a beautiful film, which is sensitive enough to the fact these people are mentally ill to allow you to enjoy their more lively moments. 50-year-old Jeff Turner sits in his spare bedroom in California wearing an adapted bike helmet which he claims allows him to communicate directly with Tiffany. Meanwhile, in Denver, 35-year-old hermaphrodite Kelly McCormick says Tiffany brought her out of a coma and that’s been rewarded with McCormick’s home being coated in a daring mix of Tiffany promotional photos and lesbian soft-porn. Strongly reminiscent of this Alan Partridge moment.

The film is available now, here’s a trailer.

Thomas Turgoose, star of Shane Meadows brilliant This Is England, is now eighteen years old and gives a great interview in the Guardian. He lives in Grimsby, celebrated his birthday in a local pub and his girlfriend works in Greggs and gives him discounted sandwiches. Meanwhile he has a new film out this week and is working on Channel 4’s four-part sequel to This Is England. Of his magnificent performance in that film he says, “It was the only time I’d ever got out of bed before 4pm so everyone was impressed”. Full interview.

26 years after the original, here’s the trailer for the latest Karate Kid sequel, I think we’re all excited about this one. The paint the fence line has been replaced by put on your jacket and the part of Daniel is taken by Will Smith’s son Jaden.

This is an amazing five minute film from Sam O’Hare called The Sandpit, showing a day in the life of New York using manipulated camerawork that gives a miniaturising effect. It’s similar to the work of Matthew Albanese who I interviewed recently for Paste Magazine. Albanese spends a month creating landscapes in miniature, photographs them and then destroys them. Both show echoes of the work of the Scottish performing artist duo The Krankies, whereby humour and quick-wittedness was cleverly distilled into the short form of Janette Tough.

With the Oscar dust settling, it’s worth noting the historical connection between the ceremony and Dundee United. Gritty 1959 film Room At The Top sparked the British New Wave and won two Oscars – best actress for Simone Signoret (Vivien Leigh turned down the part) and Best Adapted Screenplay for James Paterson. Paterson was from Greenock and had a full life, including a spell as a footballer for both Leith Athletic and Dundee United. He was United captain in the 1936-37 season before being released after his refusal to turn professional.

It’s often remarked in the world of football and beyond that the road from Tannadice leads only downwards yet Paterson bucked that trend, becoming a successful novelist before being given the chance to adapt John Braine’s Room At The Top. A few years ago, of course, United had another James Paterson playing for them in the form of the swinging hips of cuddly winger Jim Paterson. He’s now at Aberdeen but retirement is not far away for the 30-year-old and Hollywood will be waiting with interest to see if he will be making a similar leap.

Turkish football has always been a bit lively but this game from the weekend managed to make a name for itself. The home fans came armed with missiles and created a unique atmosphere whereby opposing players were terrified of going anywhere near the edge of the pitch. Corners posed a particular challenge, only partly solved by riot police forming what I believe is called a hedgehog with their shields to allow a cowering player to take the kick. Still the match was finally abandoned after a linesman caught an unknown object right on the back of the napper.

Portsmouth football club don’t have their problems to seek, what with the fact they’re in administration and their main spokesman apparently consists of that fan with the tattooed face and the drum. Things got a little worse this week however when their newest saviour, businessman Victor Cattermole, started to look a little flimsy in his takeover approach. Cattermole said he had provided a bank note showing available funds of $270m and appointed a local representative while he got himself over from New Zealand. However, Portsmouth clarified that this bank note was not from a recognisable bank. A bank that doesn’t appear on Google yet liberally produces credit notes for $270m is usually one created by a child in his bedroom and that might not be coincidence with Portsmouth’s Phil Hall also clearing up the local representative issue.

“When we asked to meet Mr Cattermole we were dealing with a 22 or 23-year-old representative, and when we suggested a meeting at his office he said ‘I don’t have an office, you’ll have to come to my dad’s home’”, said Hall. ”Forgive us, but it was one which was hard for us to take further at that time.”

I’m sure Cattermole is a successful businessman but I found this reminiscent of the story of Stephen Brown – a guy who went to both Partick Thistle and Carlisle United offering to buy the club. Thistle soon grew suspicious but Carlisle made the regrettable decision of unveiling him to the press before it emerged that he was living in sheltered accomodation and working as a waiter in a curry house.

A thrilling story from today’s Sun about a gorilla seen on Mars. Or a ‘gorilla’ as they’ve called it, just in case there’s a chance that it’s not actually a silverback gorilla hanging about on the surface of a planet where temperatures drop to minus 87 degrees.  The story brings back the glory days of the Sunday Sport which used to regularly stumble across similarly surprising photos. There was the London bus buried at the North Pole and the WWII bomber spotted on the moon. The Sun are a bit more serious though and so they should be when they’ve even got supporting quotes from enthusiast Nigel Cooper who’s main qualification seems to be that, in his lifetime, he’s seen a lot of photos. “It’s definitely a creature of some sort”, clarifies Cooper, 43, of Grimsby, Lincs. Full story and photo here.

The most famous album cover in history was shot by a Dundonian photographer called Iain Macmillan and the city’s Discovery Point gallery are exhibiting his work until June 3rd (admission free). As well as the Abbey Road cover (shot in ten minutes on the 8th August 1969) Macmillan took memorable photos of John and Yoko, Stevie Wonder, Twiggy and some scamps playing outside a Dundee tenement. He died in 2006. His agent said he wasn’t a fan of the celebrity fast life and that was behind his decision to retire back to Carnoustie, but his agent obviously doesn’t know much about Carnoustie where there is a rarely a dull moment and both Ralph Milne and Liz McColgan feature amongst the teeming celebrity ranks.

Manchester United have won the Carling Cup and these scenes from the dressing room post-match include Paul Scholes’ skulking in the corner, Sir Alex taking a couple of attempts to get a song going and Bobby Charlton wandering in with an entourage that resembles the Rat Pack.